New Year's Funny News Items!

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• In Quakertown, Pa., after 24 years, because of declining interest and growing pessimism such a club could succeed, the Optimists Club disbanded.• At Maloney & Fox, a New York City-based public relations firm, officials said meeting attendance tripled ... after the firm began serving Bloody Marys at staff meetings, too, to spur creativity.• In Bhubaneshwar, India, where government leaders announced a crackdown on snake charmers, hundreds of them discovered a way to protest when they went to the capital with their snakes and threatened to release them on government leaders.• An elementary school in Parsippany, N.J., was evacuated on show-and-tell day when an "excited first grader" brought in a souvenir from a recent family vacation. It was a live hand grenade.• In Duluth, Minn., a hockey arena was destroyed when the Zamboni, the ice-resurfacing machine, exploded.• A homeowner in Callaway, Fla., called police to report someone had stolen the family's four ounces of marijuana and that they needed it back immediately because there was someone who wanted to buy it.• In Long Beach, Calif, a 19-year-old who wondered if Santa Claus had the right idea was arrested on suspicion of burglary at 2 a.m. when he was caught by police jammed in a home's chimney, trying to slide down. When police arrived, according to the local paper, he was screaming epithets, none of which were "ho, ho, ho!"• A man in Binghamton, N.Y., who coated his room at Motel 6 and himself with 14 jars of petroleum jelly was ordered to pay $3,886 for damages it caused to the motel.• In M@$$achusetts, the state's latest lottery winner, 94-year-old Louise Outing, announced she'd like to get all of her $5.6 million in winnings now, rather than having it spaced over the next 20 years.• At an animal shelter in San Francisco, officials questioned a new policy by which shelter visitors must now fill out rat forms and present a rat cage for inspection, plus answer 114 questions including a category titled "hopes and expectations" for prospective rat owners, then also pay a $10-per-rat fee to adopt one.• In Sacramento, Calif., a National Geographic film crew attempting to disprove spontaneous human combustion was forced to call 911 after a pig carc@$$ caught fire and the crew could not put out the fire.• A group of about 40 natives was found near Phnom Penh, Cambodia, hiding in a cave from Vietnamese soldiers, unaware the Vietnam War ended in 1975.• In Hazelton, Idaho, a wheel from a truck came off, rolled across a road, hit the curb in front of a house, burst through a wall next to the front door and bounced down the stairwell into the bas€m€nt, catching a ball bearing along the way that ignited a spark, setting the curtains on fire and eventually burning down the house.• At a Burger King in Norwich, Conn., police corrected themselves and announced that a 6-foot tall SpongeBob SquarePants originally thought stolen from the roof had only melted into the rooftop heating system air ducts instead.• In Santa Clara, Calif., at four minutes before midnight on New Year's Eve, twins were born in a six-minute span, making one the last baby born in 2004 and the other the first born in 2005.• In Brownsville, Texas, obviously not used to the first snow to hit the city in 109 years, a man who burglarized a business then walked directly back to his trailer in a nearby trailer park.