Collection of Jokes: God is watching...

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ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....' FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. Brunette, by the way!! SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
 
--- Poor chindren in today's competitive times ---A second grader was in bed with cold and high temperature.Her mother asked - "How high is it, Doctor?"Doctor replied - "One hundred and three"She (thinks rapidly that my son should be on top always) and asks again - ".. and what is the world record?":rofl:--- Sardar's logical calculation ---Salesman to a Sardar: Sir, would you like to buy a pocket calculator?Sardar: Oy.. I know how many pockets I have..:rofl:
 
A child's insightA little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.""Where did you learn that?"The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
 
A teacher asks a student to stand up and speak table of 1 to 5 and student does so. Teacher asks again: "Can you speak higher?" Student raises his fingers above his head and again speaks table of 1 to 5.
 
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