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The Offtopic Thread (Archive 1)
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ajuravi007
Regulars
Its time to unfollow this forum....
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Nishant
Staff member
varun120
Cult of Personality
A Rich Woman Stops On A Traffic Signal And A Begger Come To Her For Begging.
Woman Confused: “Arrey, I Have Seen You Somewhere.”
Beggar: “Madam, Don’t You Remember? I Am Your Friend On Facebook.“ .......................
Ek Gareeb Kisaan Ka Beta Jail Mein Tha. Us Budhe Kisan Ne Apne Bete Ko Jail Se Khat Likha,
Kisaan: “Beta Main Iss Baar Aalu Ki Fasal Nahi Bo Sakta, Itna Bada Khet Mujh Akele Se Nahi Khudega, Kash Tu Yahan Hota To Meri Madad Karta.”
Bete Ne Wapis Jawab Diya: “Papa Aap Khet Mat Khodna, Maine Wahan Hathiyaar Chhupa Rakhe Hain”
Agle Din Police Force Ne Sara Khet Khod Diya Par Hathiyar Nahi Mile.
Bete Ne Phir Baap Ko Likha: “Papa Yahan Par Baithe-Baithe Main Itni Hi Madad Kar Sakta Hun, Aap Ab Aalu Uga Dijiye.“ ........................
Pati Ke Marne Ke Agle Din Patni Ne Akhbaar Mein Add Diya.
Mere Pati Ke Antim Sanskar Mein Jo Bhi Log Aaye Unka Bohat Dhanyavad.
From – KajalAge – 28 YearsHeight – 5.5″Rang – GoraBachhe – Nahi Hai ...................
Ek Ladki Apne Sasuraal Se Apni Maa Ko Phone Karti Hai.
Ladki: “Maa, Main Apne Pati Ko Talaakh De Rahi Hun.”
Maa: “Kyu Beta Aisa Kya Ho Gaya?”
Ladki: “Maa Wo Sirf Meri Ga#nd Hi Marta Hai, Halat Ye Ho Chuki Hai Ki Meri Gaa#d Ka Size 1 Rupye Ke Sikke Jitna Ho Gaya Hai, Jo Ki 25 Paise Ke Sikke Jitna Hona Chahiye Tha.”
Maa Ladki Ko Samjhate Hue: “Beta, Tune Ek Karore Pati Se Shaadi Ki Hai, Ek Bohat Bade Bangle Mein Rehti Hai, BMW Or Mercedes Jaisi Gaadiyon Se Neeche Nahi Utarti, 1 Lakh Rupye
Tujhe Hafte Ki Pocket Maney Milti Hai Or Tu Ye Sab Kuch Chhodh Dena Chahti Hai Wo Bhi Sirf 75 Paise Ke Liye.” ...................
Ek chorni pakdi gayiConstable:apki statement leni hai andarchalo n fu#ked her.Head constable aur ASI ne bhi yehi kiya.Sham ko ladki ko megistrate Ke pass le jayagaya.Magistrate-tumhari statement leni hai, kuchkehna chaahogi?Chorni- sir aaj to STATEMENT sooj gayi hai,kal le lena..?????????
Woman Confused: “Arrey, I Have Seen You Somewhere.”
Beggar: “Madam, Don’t You Remember? I Am Your Friend On Facebook.“ .......................
Ek Gareeb Kisaan Ka Beta Jail Mein Tha. Us Budhe Kisan Ne Apne Bete Ko Jail Se Khat Likha,
Kisaan: “Beta Main Iss Baar Aalu Ki Fasal Nahi Bo Sakta, Itna Bada Khet Mujh Akele Se Nahi Khudega, Kash Tu Yahan Hota To Meri Madad Karta.”
Bete Ne Wapis Jawab Diya: “Papa Aap Khet Mat Khodna, Maine Wahan Hathiyaar Chhupa Rakhe Hain”
Agle Din Police Force Ne Sara Khet Khod Diya Par Hathiyar Nahi Mile.
Bete Ne Phir Baap Ko Likha: “Papa Yahan Par Baithe-Baithe Main Itni Hi Madad Kar Sakta Hun, Aap Ab Aalu Uga Dijiye.“ ........................
Pati Ke Marne Ke Agle Din Patni Ne Akhbaar Mein Add Diya.
Mere Pati Ke Antim Sanskar Mein Jo Bhi Log Aaye Unka Bohat Dhanyavad.
From – KajalAge – 28 YearsHeight – 5.5″Rang – GoraBachhe – Nahi Hai ...................
Ek Ladki Apne Sasuraal Se Apni Maa Ko Phone Karti Hai.
Ladki: “Maa, Main Apne Pati Ko Talaakh De Rahi Hun.”
Maa: “Kyu Beta Aisa Kya Ho Gaya?”
Ladki: “Maa Wo Sirf Meri Ga#nd Hi Marta Hai, Halat Ye Ho Chuki Hai Ki Meri Gaa#d Ka Size 1 Rupye Ke Sikke Jitna Ho Gaya Hai, Jo Ki 25 Paise Ke Sikke Jitna Hona Chahiye Tha.”
Maa Ladki Ko Samjhate Hue: “Beta, Tune Ek Karore Pati Se Shaadi Ki Hai, Ek Bohat Bade Bangle Mein Rehti Hai, BMW Or Mercedes Jaisi Gaadiyon Se Neeche Nahi Utarti, 1 Lakh Rupye
Tujhe Hafte Ki Pocket Maney Milti Hai Or Tu Ye Sab Kuch Chhodh Dena Chahti Hai Wo Bhi Sirf 75 Paise Ke Liye.” ...................
Ek chorni pakdi gayiConstable:apki statement leni hai andarchalo n fu#ked her.Head constable aur ASI ne bhi yehi kiya.Sham ko ladki ko megistrate Ke pass le jayagaya.Magistrate-tumhari statement leni hai, kuchkehna chaahogi?Chorni- sir aaj to STATEMENT sooj gayi hai,kal le lena..?????????
Two minute management course.
Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends your two-minute management course.
Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.
Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lessons - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends your two-minute management course.
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