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The Offtopic Thread (Archive 1)
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chaibiskutbhai
I got banned!
DO YOU GO TO CHURCH ?A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend's hand and pulled him aside.The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."CHURCH FOR THIS DRUNKA man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.The priest has been watching him all a long, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand."The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman onearth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded."Counting your ribs," said Eve.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand."The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman onearth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded."Counting your ribs," said Eve.
IndianMascot
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A man wakes up one morning and found a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers" He calls the number, and the gorilla cathcer, Santa, says he will be over in 30 minutes.Santa arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van.He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG."What are you going to do", the house owner asks?Santa said, "I'm going to put this LADDER up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this BASEBALL BAT. When the gorilla falls off, the DOG is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."He hands the shotgun to the house owner."What's the shotgun for?" asks the house owner.Santa replies, "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, SHOOT THE DOG."
Nishant
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IndianMascot
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Nishant
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^You're actually insulting women by calling the above chaps women!
IndianMascot
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Sardar was lying on beach,Amrican: R u Relaxing?Sardar: No i m GopalSingh,Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?Sardar: NoI m gopal SinghAnothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?Sardar: No (Shouting) I m gopal SinghSardar left tht place in anger.Then Sardar asks one American lying nearbyR u relaxing?American: Yes.Sardar slaps him & says, Haramkhor sab tujhe dhund rahe hain aur tu yahan leta hua hai.
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