Collection of Jokes: God is watching...

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A visitor in a hotel, asking to waiter: "Aaj khaane me sabse garamaa garam kya hain"Waiter replies: "Koyla hain, le aaoo?"
 
A song for the summer:
--- suno gor se duniya walo ---
Suno gor se PEPSI walo,
Buri nazar na COKE pe dalo,
Chahe jitna SPRITE pila do, sabse aage hoga NIMBU PANI,
Humne piya hain, tum bi piyo.

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English Panchtantra:
(There was a story of a clever crow which drink water by throwing stones into a bottle)
How to say it in english?

One was Kauwa
Sitting on Degda
He was very Pyasa
Here and there Bhatka
He saw a Matka
Some patthar Patka
Little paani Gatka
Flying flying Satka

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Common Factor:
Q: Tere aur Amitabh Bachchan me common baat / common factor kya hain?
A: Naa tu use SMS karta hain aur naa hi wo tumhe karta hain.
 
Fizaon ke badalne ka intezar na kar, Aandhiyon ke rukne ka intezar na kar, Channel badal aur FTV laga le bachha, ESPN par Sania ke jhukne ka intezar na kar.
 
1 din 1 friend apne apartment ki balcony me khada tha aur usne doosre friend ko dekha ke usne phone booth par uska owner tha usko suddenly 2 thappad laga diye without any reason.1st friend thought to help and started going downstair. Before he reaches, 2nd friend already came to his apartment.1st friend ne pucha – tune usko bina koi reason thappad kyun mara?2nd friend bola – me to sirf call karne gaya tha lekin wo phone ke baaju me betha tha aur usne hi waha pe likha tha – “number dial karne se pehle 2 lagaaye”
 
hahaha .. nice jokes ..many are never heard .. Thanks for the wonderful thread ..one request to enjoy all of it please post in English too while posting in Hindi :)
 
Thanks. I can understand your request of posting in english as well but some jokes are type of jokes that can be only fun when said in it's specific languange and way of saying.Just like the last joke "number dial karne se pehle 2 lagaaye" now if i try to call it in english , it is "dial 2 before dialing your actual number" - that has no humour at all.Hope you understand what i mean.Anyway, keep enjoying. i will keep posting more.
 
This is for you in english -

Ba Ba Bastard have you any kids?

Naughty New Nursery Rhyme
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, 3 damn kids.
1 from my neighbour,
1 from my maid and
1 from the prostitute who never got paid!
 
Madhur Bhandarkar is selecting such the toughest names for his movies :) lolfor a movie on bar girl's life, he named his movie - CHANDNI BARfor a movie on Page 3 people's personal and professional life, he named his movie - PAGE 3for a movie on corporate world and their love/hate, he named his movie - CORPORATEfor a movie of the people's life on traffic signals, he named his movie - TRAFFIC SIGNALfor a movie which shows inside out of fashion industry, he named his movie - FASHIONand now -for a movie on prisoners' life in jail, he has chosen a name of his upcoming movie - JAILlol :hysterical:
 
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