The Offtopic Thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter coming soon
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 2,209
  • Views Views 5,475
A guy goes to a pet store to buy an unusual pet and walks out with a centipede in a white box. Once he gets it home, the guy decides to take the centipede to his local bar and show it to his drinking buddies. He taps on the box and says, ‘Would you like to go to McGuire’s with me and have a beer?’ There’s no answer from the centipede. He waits a few moments then says, ‘How about you and me going to a bar?’ Again, there’s no answer. Thinking the centipede can’t hear him, the man goes right up to the box and yells, ‘Hey! Would you like to go to McGuire’s bar and have a drink?!’ A little voice comes out of the box, ‘I fucking heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes.’
 
BtONiMvCUAEoyAY.jpg
 
A young boy was playing hide-n-seek. He decided to hide in his mother's closet. Suddenly, the mother came into the room with a man. They began making love, not knowing the boy was in the closet. Suddenly the boy's father pulled into the driveway. The mother, in a panic, rushed the man into the closet with the boy. They stood next to each other. "It's dark in here. "The boy said. "Yep." The man said. "I have a baseball." "That's cool." "I'll give you it for $500." "No way!" "...my dad is outside." The man sighed and pulled out his wallet.

A few days later, the boy was in his mother's closet again. Once again, the mother came into the room with the man. Soon, the father pulled into the driveway and the mother rushed the man into the closet. The man and the boy stood next to each other. "It's dark in here." The boy said. "Yep." The man said. "I have a baseball mitt." "That's cool." "I'll give you it for $500." The man thought about the last time and sighed. He pulled out his wallet.

The next day, the father was sitting in the dining room. The boy walked in. "Dad! I sold my baseball and glove!" He said. "Really? For how much?" The father said. "$1000!" The father's jaw dropped. "Son! You shouldn't overprice such things! I'm taking you to church so you can confess!" So, the father took his son to church and the boy went to confession. He waited until the pastor came. After a few moments, the boy spoke. "It's dark in here." "Don't start that shit again, kid!"
 

Back