Sorry if this is a retread, but I've always liked this one...
Dave comes home after a long night of drinking at his favorite bar. His wife is asleep, so he tiptoes into the dark bedroom, undresses, puts on his pajamas, and slips into bed beside her. Moments later, he becomes aware of a tall figure standing at the foot of the bed.
“Who are you??” Dave demands.
The figure doesn’t reply. Dave rubs his eyes, and suddenly he realizes he’s no longer in his bedroom. He sees stars, and clouds, and behind the figure he sees an enormous gate… a Pearly Gate!
Dave gasps. “Are you… St. Peter?”
“That’s right, Dave,” comes the answer. “I’m afraid your years of hard living have finally caught up with you.”
“But I CAN’T be dead! I’m too young! There’s still so much I wanted to do!”
“I’m afraid you are, my son.”
“There must be some mistake! There MUST be! Please… PLEASE!”
St. Peter takes a scroll out of his pocket. He unrolls it and studies it. “Oh! It seems you’re eligible for a special we’re running this month. You CAN go back, but not in your old body. I can let you come back as… let me see… ah, here it is. You can come back as a hen.”
“A hen?” says Dave. “You mean a chicken?”
“That’s right. Take it or leave it.”
Dave sighs. “I guess I’ll take it.”
There’s a gentle POOF, and a moment later Dave finds himself in a compact little feathered body, sitting atop a box of straw. There’s another hen beside him.
“Hello,” she says pleasantly. “You must be the new girl.”
“Yes… I guess I am.”
“Well, you’ll be happy here. The henhouse is nice and warm, and the farmer is a kind man.”
“It looks nice,” says Dave. “But… I have the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach.”
“Oh, that,” says the other hen. “That means you’re about to lay an egg. Surely you’ve done that before.”
“No, I never have.”
“Oh! Well, it’s very simple. Just relax, put a bit of pressure down there, and squeeze.”
Dave does as she says, and after a few seconds of straining, he feels an egg plop into the straw.
“I did it!” he shouts.
“Good! Simple, isn’t it?”
“Yes… and I think there’s another one coming!” Again he relaxes and squeezes, and another egg tumbles out. All at once he’s filled with a kind of ecstasy that touches the core of his being. As a man, he never knew how it felt to bring new life into the world. And now he does. He feels a sense of oneness with all the other mothers of the world. He’s a giver of life!
“Here comes another one!” he shouts joyfully. And plop, he delivers another egg.
Suddenly he feels someone shaking his arm. “Dave!” yells his wife. “Dave, you idiot! Wake up! You just shit the bed!”
Dave comes home after a long night of drinking at his favorite bar. His wife is asleep, so he tiptoes into the dark bedroom, undresses, puts on his pajamas, and slips into bed beside her. Moments later, he becomes aware of a tall figure standing at the foot of the bed.
“Who are you??” Dave demands.
The figure doesn’t reply. Dave rubs his eyes, and suddenly he realizes he’s no longer in his bedroom. He sees stars, and clouds, and behind the figure he sees an enormous gate… a Pearly Gate!
Dave gasps. “Are you… St. Peter?”
“That’s right, Dave,” comes the answer. “I’m afraid your years of hard living have finally caught up with you.”
“But I CAN’T be dead! I’m too young! There’s still so much I wanted to do!”
“I’m afraid you are, my son.”
“There must be some mistake! There MUST be! Please… PLEASE!”
St. Peter takes a scroll out of his pocket. He unrolls it and studies it. “Oh! It seems you’re eligible for a special we’re running this month. You CAN go back, but not in your old body. I can let you come back as… let me see… ah, here it is. You can come back as a hen.”
“A hen?” says Dave. “You mean a chicken?”
“That’s right. Take it or leave it.”
Dave sighs. “I guess I’ll take it.”
There’s a gentle POOF, and a moment later Dave finds himself in a compact little feathered body, sitting atop a box of straw. There’s another hen beside him.
“Hello,” she says pleasantly. “You must be the new girl.”
“Yes… I guess I am.”
“Well, you’ll be happy here. The henhouse is nice and warm, and the farmer is a kind man.”
“It looks nice,” says Dave. “But… I have the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach.”
“Oh, that,” says the other hen. “That means you’re about to lay an egg. Surely you’ve done that before.”
“No, I never have.”
“Oh! Well, it’s very simple. Just relax, put a bit of pressure down there, and squeeze.”
Dave does as she says, and after a few seconds of straining, he feels an egg plop into the straw.
“I did it!” he shouts.
“Good! Simple, isn’t it?”
“Yes… and I think there’s another one coming!” Again he relaxes and squeezes, and another egg tumbles out. All at once he’s filled with a kind of ecstasy that touches the core of his being. As a man, he never knew how it felt to bring new life into the world. And now he does. He feels a sense of oneness with all the other mothers of the world. He’s a giver of life!
“Here comes another one!” he shouts joyfully. And plop, he delivers another egg.
Suddenly he feels someone shaking his arm. “Dave!” yells his wife. “Dave, you idiot! Wake up! You just shit the bed!”
